Tuesday, 10 February 2009


My people listen carefully. Who is it that did all the prosperity for the nation? Who is that vow to end poverty and corruptions? Who is that claim to dictate the advancement of the country?
I did all that for you. Yes for you. I came to rule over you for many reasons. I don’t like to waste time, I am a doer! Before in this country, God’s curse was on everyone. Those people who were ruling and dictating the affairs of the government are bad. They don’t love you like i do. They think they owned this country. Look now. Who own this land and its people heee.
Listen to me you lot. All the accusations against me are true. Yes, i am a man. Men don’t mind killing, men don’t mind locking up stupid and traitors, men don’t mind spinning the news and blame others for their faults.
If you think, I am on my way out, think again. Which king have you ever seen abdicate himself? now think. They say all those bad things that i use force and the underworld to control you the people. Yes i do. Which successful king doesn’t?
I have managed to develop my father’s house with no serious qualifications. I have managed to use and abuse the so-called educated professionals for years. They think they are cleaver when i appoint them. They are stupid. Think about it. How can a step-aside school leaver with poor results, like men and women with masters and degrees and even dear I say PhD’s? How can I like such kind of people? They are mad and selfish like me. If they cannot figure out all I want them for is use them and discard them like condoms. Or no. I did i say condom. You didn’t hear that.
My people will stand for me. Yes, they will. And come rain or shine they will defend me. And what can you do about it? Oh yeah coalitions. Hah. Haah. Coalitions. I heard that before.
The secret in my success is divide and rule. Many of you want to be just like me. Powerful, dress nice, beautiful wife, all the songs composed about me. Point me one citizen of this land who is different from me? Oh not Hudenfa or Sankanda? Them, they also want to be powerful and cerebrated just like me.
They may not enjoy the killings though. You know that is very difficult, although i don’t witness the events. I instruct the low of the low of this land to commit the evil acts. They love it. Do you know why, good and bad people of Water-follow land. They think that committing evil for me will put them in my good books. I have a yellow and blue book. But what they the ‘murder squad’ fail to know, no King like his killers. The killers at the end become bloodthirsty. If the king fails to provide them with targets to eliminate, they start pointing at the King’s own trusted allies. They just want to kill, simple.
The only way the King can get rid of addict torturers and killers, is to let them turn against each other. Now you know am smart. Don’t you?
Can you remember the men who use to be close to me last year, how many of them are with me now? Do the maths, count back to two year ago, three years ago, four years ago, seven years ago etc.
I change them like cloths. Yeah i love fine cloths. Chopoti is my favourite costume. When I wear it, the critics go mad. I wind them up big time. They know i don’t pray. I false them all. If you became a King like me, God himself give you added powers and might. You don’t need to pray. That’s why I hold the beads with my left hand. I know those Muslims say you do dikr with your rights hand and all cleaning with your left hand. I do the opposite. I am a king remember, the laws of God change for us. He chose us himself to rule, for that he elevated his Kings, including I Manke RR Wuyaha.
Oh my people
Many have tried, but the lord banishes them to damnation. In-fact, that is well before the holy powers of herbal warrior was unveil to I King Manke. Imagine what I will do with the evil critics and traitors. I will feed them to the gods, he my god lives of blood and tears. The unpatriotic citizens claim that, we should introduce democracy. That is a foreign doctrine and it’s against our culture and values. But to silence them, we use that idea the way it best serves our purpose.
The River-follow land’s democracy is attained in the following ways:
One, i gather the entire motor mouths, backward son’s of the land. They shout and praise I the King.
Two, I also gather all the big women of the land who would hardly listen to their men. They clap and dance
Three, I use the musicians, they love money. I know some of them can’t sing or dance but at least they make the crowd misunderstand me more.
Four, I gather all the poor village and town elders. Yeah elders, this people will do anything I want. Even if I instruct them to sacrifice their first born, they will. This people praise me also. They advice all the bad people to vote for me.
Five, few of my handpicked educated servants make remarkable speech for me. I know they are double standard people. They say good things, but they know I no good.
Six, the religious leaders speak and solidify my goodness. Hah hah. My people, I know many of you citizens are not God fearing. You rush to God but never spend a second there. God will not listen to you to remove me. The only fear I have is the curse of the blood of my victims. Yeah, I have bad dreams of all those that died at my instruction.
The seventh steps is, I myself will rise to make a speech. I will speak and make many many promises. So much, so that, I the King even muddle up and end up repeating myself again. This shows that I am also a human.
Then, I dish out some money and we sleep in hostel. One big trick i use is to mix married men and married women. This works. They left their partners behind and sleep in big halls. Whatever happens at night is part of democracy.
The defenders of our land also play a big part in making me win. They put on their mix colour cloths and big leather foot wear. They frown and look straight at people. They smile only to ladies though. But on the whole, they do a good job for me. They cast fear in people’s heart, they bit up good people, so that bad people can be afraid. You see the logic.
Finally, my people, Say what you want about me, it makes me big. But remember, I have the power lock you up and kill if so wish. How many of you dare criticise me? Out the number of you, how many say my bad things? Not many. This shows that you are all selfish and cowards. I am the only true man in this land. See you in 15 years time again.
(This write up is a tribute to all the victim of violence in our country. The spirit of the bereaved families and those whose family members are currently in prison on political charges).
May God fight the battles of the weak and voiceless. Never under estimate the power of God.



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Anonymous said...


This is a very good political satire in my view. It is both witty and funny as indicative of the irony of the king’s statements and the light-hearted tone, especially the frequent use of informal language. King Manke is representative of the outlandish, ego-inflated, and self-seeking African rulers.
It is a paradox that the king who is driven by personal aggrandizement is endeared by the people because they also wish to have and do the same things he commands. Hence the common saying that people get the kind of rulers that reflect them may be true.
The king appears to have adequate grasp and understanding of the dynamics of human nature-and he uses this folly of human nature and of the tricky concept of democracy to his full advantage. He knows what his people (the educated class and the so-called married men and women) want; so he puts out bait for them and catches them; he then uses them and discards them.
The king also utilizes his security forces (the defenders of our land) to beat, maim and kill. They instill fear in the hearts of the people to control them; but even in this dirty job of killing, the king uses the right people for the right job-that is the lowest of the low-to carry out the atrocities because it makes them feel good and important.
The king also swiped at the fractured opposition (coalition) and the faithful who he considered not true believers.
Ultimately, there is no institutional dynamics either in government or in society that poses a threat to the king’s hegemony. Therefore, the only thing that appears to torment him is the blood of his victims and that eventually might be what will undo him.
I have the view that the paper might benefit from some but minor grammatical corrections as highlighted in red ink in the text.
This is a great piece and deserves a better commentary than what I have given here (partly due to my time constraint at this moment). There is a lot of psychology and Machiavellian politics in this piece. Nonetheless, it is a great irony and it is above all funny. Thanks again.